my own column - on combatting laziness and self-motivation

The ideal job I've always wanted to have was to write a column either for a magazine or for a newspaper. It could be any subject matter, as long as I'm given a degree of freedom in expressing my ideas.

Unfortunately, I can fall into an attitude of laziness quite easily, even with things that I enjoy doing, which is what has prevented me from being active - doing what I love before I base a career on it. Instead, I've been passive - waiting to be given a career opportunity in order to begin doing what I love. Having a good fit between passion and career only happens if you're active about it.

So here's my beginning - a food column: Tung Choi St.

I'm not a gourmand or anything. Ironically, I've often found eating to be a chore throughout my whole life, but as with all things in life, I'm slowly learning to appreciate it. Plus it's probably the simplest thing to write a column about, and plus it's extremely practical. I always forget what good places I've been to in the countries I've travelled in...so this will be documentation for myself. Plus, I can refer to friends who're looking for travel advice!

Daily Routine

Back in my idealist-thinking days, routine was a bad thing. What a boring thing to have the same patterns and things to do every day. Even eating was something I did only when I had the mood to.

But routine is about holding myself accountable, self-discipline, to make sure I make the best use of my time during the day, and that I'm thinking about the trajectory I'm taking during the day, not just this very minute. So for example even if I'm lazy to do it, I still gotta eat a fruitful breakfast...and ever since I've added breakfast to my life I've stopped sleep-walking through my days :)

My routine in Hong Kong ideally begins with a morning jog, from my apartment, through the famous (in China) Avenue of the Stars to the clock tower by the Star Ferry in TST, and back. Dodging the Mainland Chinese tourists who come by the tourbus-loads - bending over to fit their hands with the hand-prints of Andy Lau, Jet Li, and others on the promenade - and running around the Sikh men who like to stop random pedestrians and talk really friendly to them (about religion I think?), the Mandarin chatter filling the air is punctuating by occasional English, Korean, Japanese, and Cantonese. Running fills my lungs with 'fresh' air so that I have enough energy to carry through my day. But as you might be able to see from this video of my leisurely stroll, the air isn't so fresh!



After my jog, I get ready to take the train up to the City University of Hong Kong, which prides itself on being ranked the 149th best University in the world. Usually you cut through the Festival Walk mall there, which, until last week, had this huge XMas tree shooting through several levels.



This is what one section of the library looks like. It looks like the bridge of a starship, especially because of the futuristic incandescent blue lighting they use, which doesn't show too well in the picture.

I usually have lunch in the canteen (dining hall for American English), and after another several hours at the library, I head back home by train.

Sharing my nightly dinner with my mother, I'll usually go for Capoeira across the harbor by taking the Star Ferry, which I'm really impressed by just because it's not just a tourist ride, but a cheap way of commuting to and from work...another part of the matrix of efficient transportation in HK. The rest of my night is usually spent self-studying Chinese, and going online. My weekends tend to be more open and flexible, although I do go to church on Sunday mornings, which I must admit, is a great way to learn and practice Cantonese!

Here are some pictures taken from my time in HK so far. My professional quality camera is dead on batteries, and my charger is back in the states :( so I have to settle for showing these first. The first album has people pictures, and the second has interesting sites in Hong Kong!

Hong Kong 2008 people pictures

Hong Kong culture

The past 5 New Years in Review

Again comes another end of the year, and while celestially speaking this is quite an arbitrary moment in time to break one year from the next, it's cultural rituals like this that get us to look back, reflect, and remember. Living in the past isn't the way to live life though. The past doesn't exist any more, and it can never exist again. Every moment that we pass through is like this. But the past leads us to now, and into the future, so to guide us forward, we need to understand the past.

I don't know why I've always liked to use intervals of 5, but today I decided to recall where I was each of the new years these past 5 years. I'll start with the 2003 new year.

2003

In 2002 I was a sophomore at UMass. In September I had just come back from an internship in DC, and I was mentally burning out. Probably one of the most confusing times of my life, my newfound "passion" of activism was burning me up with disillusionment, and I just wanted to run far far away.

My family decided that for the winter break, we should all go to Hong Kong, and that's what we did. On New Year Eve my Auntie Chan Tai and family and Auntie Winnie and Family shared a dinner with us in TST 尖沙咀. From the window we could see the reflection of fireworks in the glass building across from us. My brother and I wanted to go to Lan Kwai Fong for the countdown. Turned out we did nothing but stand in a line, zig-zagging the blocks. Ever since about 15 years ago when several people died and many were injured when people fell and caused a domino effect (Lan Kwai Fong is a nightlife center on an incline) police in HK have strictly controlled and directed the crowd. We never got to Lan Kwai Fong. Oh well. This picture was probably taken a few days before that.

Also memorable from the trip was going to our uncle's fish farm near the border with China (Shenzhen). It was the first time ever in my life being in a rural area, although you can see the advance of urbanity in the hazy horizon.

My friend Melissa was in Hong Kong at this time, on exchange at the Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK). Maybe it was her that gave me the idea, but when I got back to the US, I applied for exchange at CUHK, as well as for transfer to various UC schools (anywhere I could escape to).

2004
I didn't learn my lesson from New Year 2003. Back to Lan Kwai Fong for New Year 2004!

So I ended up going to CUHK, where I started my self-prescribed psychological healing process by bringing chaos to my soul. Not only did I have other-worldly energy for learning Chinese, but I did a 180 on most of my beliefs (from gender roles, to globalization, culture, etc), or just dropped my beliefs altogether as if trying to start anew.

So during winter break after my first semester at CUHK, most of my exchange friends left, except for Amy and Kar Wai. My uncle who lived at the Chinese border was soon to be forced off his fish farm because the land was bought up by some real estate developer. I brought Amy and Kar Wai there to check it out on the 31st. At night we walked around TST, and then to Lan Kwai Fong. Amy is entertaining herself in the above picture with the cap of a Watson's bottled water, as we stand in line. The same thing happened as the previous year with my brother, we never got there on time, and we didn't even hear any countdown.

A bit before New Year I went on my first backpacking trip in China, and has been one of my most memorable travel experiences. This picture is taken in Yangshuo China, near Guilin.


2005
What can I say, I don't remember what I did for this New Year (probably stayed at home in Wilbraham, MA). After my 2 semesters at CUHK '03-'04, an internship at a non-profit in HK in May, and then Beijing for language courses and homestay in the summer, I came back to UMass for fall '04. Throughout that time I had my first relationship, quite a rocky one, but one that I've learned a lot from. Probably because I brought chaos to my soul, but never restored peace, I felt that my time wasn't over yet abroad. I hurried through my semester to graduate early, and left for Taiwan in January (via Hong Kong for some more rockiness in my relationship which continued on and off). But just like my disillusionment with fighting the good fight, my otherworldly energy for learning Chinese dropped to hell, and my project of bringing chaos to my soul had left me numb already in 2004, and thus into 2005. Here's a picture from UMass.



2006
Returning to the US from Taiwan, I largely thought my living abroad days were over, and feeling pretty empty and purposeless, I was hoping my PhD program at SUNY Albany would bring me back on track...any track would do.


For New Year Eve, I did the countdown thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is a college town with Smith nearby. But despite its small town center and mostly suburban housing, it's got a sort of mini-urban feel in the center. Plus, it's not unusual to see same-sex couples holding hands, as its a very queer-friendly place. This second picture is taken of me and Beverly at Frog Pond at Boston. We did a road trip from Albany, to Amherst and Northampton (countdown pic), to Wilbraham (my home), to Boston, to Salem (nice witch museum), to Providence, and finally to New York city to drop Beverly off at Columbia. We started the trip as good (flirtatious) friends. We ended the trip as boyfriend and girlfriend.

2007
And I thought my living abroad days were over! Through all my globe-trotting, the only reason why I went back to live in the US was because my family is there. Otherwise, I probably would have just stayed in Asia, straight out, working and living. As a compromise and balance, I wanted to take all my summer opportunities to live that different life. But a summer in Thailand teaching English turned into a year.

This is a video taken in Phuket on the 31st. It's the first time I've spent my birthday (yes, Jan 1st is my birthday), and New Year Eve with a girlfriend (and thus my first New Year kiss). The motorcycle is a taxi motorcycle. In Thailand usually you can fit 2 passengers behind the driver (in Cambodia you'll see up to 5 or 6!) We'd just got to Phuket from the airport, and after checking into the hotel, took the moto down to the beach. Fireworks were going off in the front while we sped down the yellow Xmas lit street (Thailand loves the color yellow as it represents the king). The night was spent in classic romantic movie style, at an amusement park where I won a cute (as in Japanese hello-kitty cute) tea-set by winning a darts game (pop a balloon with every dart you throw), and going on the ferris-wheel.



From Phuket, we took a boat to PiPi island, which was one of the places devastated by the '05 Tsunami. But the island has recovered nicely for the most part. And the fish look really nice in the beautifully blue water.

As for my personal development? Let's just say that I got a caustically bitter email in the early part of my time in Thailand, 'causing me to really dig deeper, and think back to my 2 relationships to realize I needed to change. My time in Thailand was the year things began to snap into place.

2008

And now, here I am in Hong Kong, at least until April. My plan for New Year Eve is to meet in TST with my friend Nancy, whom I met this past summer in Boston through BCCJ.


So that's the past 5 years in review. Let's see what the next 5 bring.

I really just want to settle down somewhere and stop moving around so much, but once you start something, I guess it gets the ball rolling, and sometimes you can't turn the momentum around so easily. Actually, all I need is a home base, somewhere to return to, somewhere to feel anchored or rooted even if I am half-way across the world.

My first week in Hong Kong has been spent doing 應酬 things for the most part, visiting aunts and uncles I haven't seen in a while, relatives such as cousins and nieces and nephews. That stuff will take up a lot of time. Otherwise, I've been trying to do my thesis work, trying to get into the groove of a self-imposed work schedule.

What probably harkens me back to my nostalgic study abroad here in '03-'04 is that I've started up my Cantonese notepad again. Back then my energy and determination to learn Cantonese was so through-the-sky intense, I kept a pocket notepad to write down every single word or phrase I heard throughout the day, and would study it. I'd accumulate maybe 20 terms a day. The scariest part of course is using the new vocab. What's funny is that it turned my Cantonese into a half-fluent half-horribly accented combination. It was as if I was stitching up a totally foreign language onto an already very familiar language, and hoping that it would organically combine into one eventually. My new notepad continues the operation!

Today for lunch I walked with my mother to pizza hut. "Pizza hut here isn't like Pizza hut back in the US. It's much better here! Not like that fast food greasy stuff back in the US!" She agreed to try it out, and liked it very much (mostly because it was really Chinese-ified). A lot of so-labeled "Western" food here consists of rice dishes topped with cheese and some sort of meat, like dark-meat chicken or ham, baked. I guess if it's baked, it makes it "Western."

This entry is just a warming up of my blogging. My video blog is under production, as I experiment and toy with ideas in my head. The main reason I want to do it is self-improvement: working on my presentation, articulation, spontaneity.

My jetlag is almost totally gone. Next week I hope to get into my routine here in Hong Kong: Thesis work in the daytime, studying Chinese in the night time, Capoeira Tuesdays and Thursdays, Salsa once a week.

Exterminators?

Dan, a SUNY sociology student, opens his email box to find an ad by one of his fellow sociology graduate students that reads the following:

Due to a family emergency, I will be moving to Hong Kong in December for an as of yet indeterminate amount of time, leaving my nice cozy room in ideally situated 808 Washington Ave. Apt 1 vacant. Fellow sociology students Jeff and Salvatore occupy the other two rooms in the apartment. Take a look at the details below if you're interested, or if you know of anybody who would be!

Some other details listed in the email made it seem like quite an attractive place to live, a steal at only $300 a month, ideally situation on the bus line and only a pleasant 5 minute walk from all sorts of shops, restaurants, grocery markets, and a small movie theater. Now, Dan, a married man who is in the final stages of his dissertation, soon to get his PhD, doesn't need an apartment, he's just curious as to what kind of a place I live. Getting a glimpse into someone's personal space is somehow like taking a glimpse into their psyche after all. "Wow, these pictures aren't bad either," Dan exclaims to himself.


He turns his head sideways to get a look at the picture of my room.

"A bit small, but cozy. Felix is a pretty neat guy. Oh look at that, he's even got a little teddy polar bear on his bed." What he doesn't know is that when I sleep, I put the bear on the meditation cushions facing my Buddha statue, and when I wake up and start my day, I sit him on my pillow on my bed.

Dan looks at the final picture. "The outside looks a bit dull, but let me click to enlarge this photo..."
And lo and behold, he sees the enlarged photo:
"Wait a sec..." he says to himself. "Is that?..." He gives the picture another careful look to confirm his suspicion. Confirmed, he chuckles to himself.



Dan sees me later in the day in the corridor, after I've spent a good chunk of time putting sublet fliers around. "So you're lookin' to get rid of your place huh Felix?" I make small talk with him about it. "By the way," he started abruptly, "were those exterminators going into your house? Or somebody else's?"
"Exterminators? What exterminators?"
No calls about the apartment yet...

Boston on hold again, Hong Kong part deux

[last Friday]
"So you're saying that I myself can schedule an appointment for my mother to see the specialist?" I ask.
"Yes, sure, would you like to do that?" she asks.
"When's the next available appointment?"
"March, of next year."
"No, we can't do that, if we wait that long she could be...gone by then. Is there any way we can get an expedited appointment?"
"You'll have to have your doctor speak directly with Dr Curry to get an expedited appointment."
"My doctor said he already called your office and couldn't get a hold of him..."

Talking on the phone with another secretary at a different hospital the next day, I explained to her our situation and frustration. As soon as I uttered the words "bureaucracy" and "red tape," she said "I know exactly where you're coming from. My father had the same thing, a liver tumor, and we kept pushing and pushing and it was just frustrating. Join the club. You're not going to like the club very much, but you're gonna have to get used to it."
After we discussed a bit about her past experience with her father, I asked her, "how is he today?"
"He passed away in a few months," she said, "I'm sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear."

We're flying our mother out to Hong Kong for the surgery. The fact that so many Americans these days fly overseas for their health care, for example to Thailand, shows just how inefficient the US health care system and insurance system is. Interestingly, Blue Cross Blue Shield has a whole department for insuring overseas medical procedures; they'll even help us look for housing in Hong Kong (even though they won't pay for it). Maybe they're trying to tap into the new trend and the new demands by the middle class for better health care.

She'll be there anywhere from half a year to two years, depending if she needs chemo and if there are any complications.

This means I won't be moving out to Boston as I planned; I'll be moving out to Hong Kong in December, which will be the second time I'll be living there. I have a thesis topic to study globalization of higher education, and I'll try to make CUHK a case study, since I studied abroad there. Depending on what happens with my mother, I might look for a job there and settle down for a bit after I finish my thesis and get my masters.

The Breakup

In my office...

"Man, I don't want to hurt her feelings. What's she gonna say? How's she gonna react? It's not her really, it's me," I say to my friend.

"Nice Seinfeld quote. Whadya mean it's you?" he asks.

"I mean, I'm just not ready for this commitment. I feel like I could keep going if I really wanted to. But if I do, I really should give it my all, and I don't have my all to give now," I say.

"Yo, that's deep..." he says.

"That's it, I've decided to do it!" I say, slamming my fist to the desk causing my friend to jump out of his seat. "I have to break it to her! Now!"

Several moments pass...I'm pacing around in my office.

"Where is she? I'm getting so nervous. She was supposed to be in her office half an hour ago!" I exclaim.

"Calm down, jeez. Why do you worry so much?!" my friend says.

"Ohh...damn it. Maybe I should just suck it up and keep going. She's not that bad, I can stay with her. I dunno man. I just can never make a decision. Oh wait, there she is! She just got into her office! Oh no man!" I say, pulling hair out of both sides of my head pacing ever more frantically in my office. "Never mind, I'm going home! Forget this!"

"No man, c'mon! It's not that big a deal, just go and tell her!" my friend says. "You're done with her, through! That's it! Go tell her."

"You're right," I say. "Here I go!" I walk over to her office and sit down across from her. "Um...how exactly should I put this," I say. She gives me a quizzical look. "Well, I remember from one of your emails you sent to me while I was in Thailand, um...yeah, about the PhD program, that the PhD program requires a...a umm...a single-pointed concentration, to get thr-, to uh, to succeed."

Her expression is blank, but I know there's more going on beneath her facade.

"Well, I'm just not at that point," I continue. "I don't have that concentration. So I wanted to discuss with you my options for just getting the masters degree and dropping out of the PhD program." I sense some disappointment from her, and an obligation welling up in me to console her. "It's not that the program isn't good or anything," I stress to her, "or that I don't want to be an academic in the future. Actually, I think I do want to, eventually, just not now. I'm just not at that point in my life yet to make that commitment. Maybe if we're really meant to be, then some day I can apply for the program again, and come back."

Several moments later back in my office...

"So how was the breakup?" my friend asks.

"Meh, not bad. She took it a lot better than I thought. No begging for me to stay at all. Hey, that Boston University sociology program looks pretty hot huh? What's their number?"

"Dude, you just broke up! Man, you're such a PhD whore!"

"Life isn't about finding your self. Life is about creating your self."

In response to comments on my last blog:

What I meant about being a good actor was a part of a philosophy of life. On the inside I want to be calm and peaceful, purposeful and content. But this would just let others roll over me and take advantage of my kindness or passivity. That's why I have to have an external persona that can be aggressive when it needs to be aggressive. I was calling this "acting." It's something I need a lot of work on.

About choosing sociology over English, I naively thought that English was about reading fiction and doing creative writing. I didn't realize that there's theorizing, there's Marxism, there's cultural studies, there's all sorts of other components in it. Now that you mention my essay, I'll have to dig it up and read it again.


And yes, I'd be excited to be in Boston. It's not just a 'push' that's making me drop the program, it's also the pull of being in a quaint, large-sized yet manageable city. It's also a city that my family has had roots in ever since my father immigrated there almost 4 decades ago. A handfull of uncles and aunts always make a monthly ritual outing to Boston for Dim Sum and grocery shopping, and my cousin and her three children live in the 'burbs over there. There's stronger family presence in Boston, more diversity, and plenty of things going on there.


And so I think I'd only partially agree with the title quote. Life was about 'finding my self' as soon as I was given the analytical tools to do so (mostly in college). In other words, it was about understanding my present by analyzing my past (and societal influences). But now that I've more or less 'found my self' and also 'found the global' (if I can say that this world has an identity of its own), it's time to take control of my self, and start creating my self.

The Harsh Real World - thoughts on the practicality of Buddhism, and thoughts on Capoeiristic 'buy da game'

I'm a nice guy. Too much of a nice guy, and so people roll over me. Is it relevant to subscribe to the Buddhist belief that: it's okay, they'll get their come-uppings...and be nice to everyone? Is it that only love and compassion can pacify those who are angry and hateful?

(I've made up my mind to start a you-tube video blog in the near future)

I still subscribe to this. Hating others who hate you is simply like holding hot coal to throw at somebody. But what I need to learn is to become a good actor. Paradoxically, being self-less and considering the well-being of others can sometimes mean being firm, or being outspoken, or vocally shooting others down.

"Your car has 150,625 miles on it Mr. Poon" she said with a firm unwavering voice. "Do you know what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, I understand what you're saying," I said.

"I mean, I have pictures of your car here. Does your car have a spoiler, alloy wheels or something? No. You haven't even looked at the market have you? You haven't even looked to see if our offer can buy you a car of similar quality as yours? You just want more money because you want more money."

I'm speechless. Silent.

When I looked at cars with my father over the weekend, and test drove a manual Toyota Corolla, and then an automatic Hyundai Accent at another dealership, my father kept saying to the dealer agent (who was a really nice friendly guy), "yeah, the Corolla was better, less noisy." "Yeah, the Corolla was cheaper. Their rebate was more"

"Jeez," I said to my dad after Mike, the agent, left us in the room. "You notice that? He's all down-beaten and unhappy now because you said all those things!"

"You gotta do that," he said to me. "How else are we gonna get a good deal?"


The insurance companies are unfair. Their employees get promotions and pats on the back if they can minimize claims, give 1000$ for cars worth 2000$, 3000$ for those worth 5000$. In the end, they go home happy that they'll be promoted, and be able to put the kids through college and buy that nice boat. Why don't they go home with a guilty conscience? Is it good if I stand up to them and stop being nice, try to make them see me as a person, as a human? Maybe that way she'd reconsider the ethical nature of her job?


The point is to stay peaceful, compassionate, and joyful on the inside, but to act/perform/pretend/bluff/dance/exaggerate/flare/'buy da game(in Brazilian accent).


Future plans：
I've made up my mind. I really have. This is my last semester at Albany. I'm moving to Boston around January. Academia prevents me from reading fiction, and prevents me from writing. I already have ideas for 2 books, 1 of which I've been working on for most of the year. Academia also prevents me from interacting in the 'real world', the world of "real men" as Marx puts it, with real social interactions, real activities, not just ideas and thoughts conjured in the minds of idealists. My Capoeira Batizado on November 17th will mark my graduation, even if Batizado technically means baptizing, a sort of beginning, and this works, because every day, every second, every karmic moment is a beginning.

Hudson and W Lawrence

It was Friday night and he just got out of work, a ritzy restaurant where he's required to wear a tux. Nobody really cares much for him, he's just a bus-boy, not that customers have any interest to talk to the hostesses or waiters, but at least they had more standing than a lowly busboy. On top of that, nobody pronounces his last name right, which starts with two jarring consonants and finds its origins from Russia. His parents immigrated from there.

As soon as it was midnight and his shift was over, he untied his bow-tie leaving it dangling at his neck, got into the driver's seat of his 2002 gold-colored Honda Accord, and called his girlfriend. "Hey, I just got out of work. I'm driving over."

"Okay," she responded. "See ya soon Chris."

He drove quick, popped in a CD that blared fast rock music - a screaming lead singer soaring his voice over a hyper drum-beat and spastic guitar chord. For Chris, this was like putting his life on fast forward so he could pickup his girlfriend and be at the party faster than his car or even his rock track.

And when he was going the wrong way down a one way, he sped up as if that made it okay, as if going fast as a blur would allow him to allude the cops. It was a residential side street. Cars were parked on both sides of the street, creating a narrow gauntlet for him to run. That's why he didn't see the stop sign, because there wasn't meant to be any cars driving this way, because the stop sign was at the other side of the intersection. It was a small intersection, one that looked like any other middle-of-nowhere tiny side-street intersection stranded in American suburbia. Who would have known that my car would drive right into his path as he darted into the intersection?

The whole of his car crushed towards him as his air-bag blew out. My car's passenger side door was completely collapsed inward, and my front-right tire skewed, my car began humming an eerily low grumble, as if pained and weeping over the realization that this could be it - its 12-year life was coming to an end and this was as far as it could keep my company.

And I find myself wishing: "if only I had gone to the bathroom before I left the coffee shop, or if only I had talked to Lai Ying 1 minute longer on the phone before I left, or if only I had woken up 10 second earlier in the morning, or if only I'd decided to get gas before driving back home, then maybe Chris would have darted past me, in front of me or behind me, but at least not into me, then our lives never would have collided at the intersection of space and time merely labeled as Hudson and West Lawrence.

Personal Update

We can plan the direction we go in life, but we can never know where it'll bring us. I haven't been updating frequently lately because I've been steeping my mind in contemplation over my direction in life. I know that this can be try to fall into - thinking too much, so much that you withdraw yourself from actually living. That's a factor why depressed people stay depressed - they devote so much energy towards trying to find happiness, that they become insular, self-centered, and continue their depression. I can spot that now, so I know when to pull up from that.

New Youtube video, new photo album, new post. New energy.

Most of the acquaintances from the small salsa community and Capoeira community in Bangkok had the same reactions when they saw me: "Ow! I thought you left!?"

"Ow," said with a sharp raise in tone, is a common Thai expression that doesn't quite have an English equivalent. Perhaps a mix of "huh?" or "hey!" together, you'd usually say it if someone did something that confused you, or surprised you, or both. Just picture both eyebrows raising up as one says "Ow!?"

One of my Farang friends (Farang is equivalent to the Cantonese "Gwailo," - white foreigner) said to me "I thought you'd died from a Motorcycle accident or something!" He was a friend from the salsa scene I ran into a lot, and it was our running joke that we'd always greet each other with "so you're still alive!" because we were both motorcycle drivers in the chaotic streets of Bangkok. I guess he never got a farewell from me, and not having seen me for 3 months, assumed the worst.

I ran into him at the new salsa club, Dream. Fogo Vigo has been closed to dancing! Apparently the Brazillian club did not have a "dancing license," and was thus forced to close by the police. I think what this really means is that they refused to pay a bribe demanded by the corrupt police force.

And at the school I used to teach at, I just popped in to say hello. Children can be intensely boisterous and mischeivous in one situation, but totally shy and irresponsive in another. Most of them exclaimed a "teacher Felix!" when they saw me, but got quiet and mumbly when I asked how they were doing, how they liked the new English teacher, and if such and such a student was still around. As always, the fifth-grade girls were most talkative (now sixth-grade!)

"Teacher, you come back to teach?" Amy asks.
"No, I've come back just to say hello. How do you like your new teacher?"
"Uh, good." Cream says not so enthusiastically.
"Teacher, you come back to teach!" Amy says.
"Really? You want me to come back and teach?"
"Yes!" Amy and Cream say simultaneously.
"You liked my teaching?"
"Yes!" Amy and Cream say simultaneously. I puzzle over this a moment.
"So does the new teacher ever play games with you?"
"No, teacher," Amy says to me with excited dissaproval. "Never! And so much homework!" I quickly realized that they missed me not because I was a good teacher, but in fact because I was a bad teacher. They missed me because I was an entertainer. But that's all in the past.


Strangely, walking around Bangkok, it felt as if I'd never left. But now that I've come back to the US, it's like everything in Bangkok was a dream. Memories from distant places always seem to end up that way - like dreams that one day you yourself begin to doubt whether they ever really happened.

The more I travel, the more I realize that I don't like taking short touristy trips, and that I'd rather go places with a purpose. If it is a totally new and foreign place for me, staying there a year should be the minimum prescription...so that I can wholly immerse into the fabric of the social and cultural web of the place. This I like to call "travel." If you're not a traveler, you're a tourist, and the tourist is easy to spot. Usually the tourist carries a camera and a guidebook, like the lonely planet, buys a copious amount of tickets to historical sights, cultural shows, or goes often for massages, spas or beaches...and does not meet many, if any, local people. If I'm to be a tourist, I've decided it's best to bring parts of "home" with me, since I won't have the time and resources to make the country a part of my web of homes... I'd bring maybe some friends or family I'd like to get closer with, otherwise if travelling alone I'd jump into the Capoeira or Salsa scenes.

Capoeira and Salsa, I've especially discovered, are the languages I'm somewhat fluent in, and that are more universal in communication than English or Chinese in my travels. Nowhere have I gone where I couldn't find a group speaking them.

These days I'm reading several memoirs to see how I can write my own. I highly recommend From Heaven Lake.

Geekiest Entry Ever

Aside from being an entry about a computer game, this entry is also about popular culture, society, and a foreign country, specifically Korea.

Now...I've known that Starcraft (a computer game where you build and control vast armies in an attempt to demolish others') has been a major part of Korean popular culture. But to the extent of broadcasted, live-audience VS battles? Tournaments! Woah! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/StarCraft_professional_competition


Starcraft was a game I was quite obsessed about in High School. I actually had lofty dreams of playing in tournaments some day and making a career winning prize money. Now my geeky-ness is aroused by the announcement of a Starcraft2! What's even more telling about Starcraft in popular Korean culture is that Blizzard first publicly announced the game in Korea (see 2nd vid below) even before making that preview available on its website.



For those who want more geeky trailers.

Final Days in Thailand - Tribute to various Thai-isms

I've made it to Hong Kong, and I've been spending my days taking Capoeira lessons, visiting relatives and friends, and getting ready for my trip to Guangzhou. But here's a wrap-up overview of the two and a half weeks that I spent in Thailand after India:

PHOTOS!
1. Bidding farewell to my Capoeira Thailand group with a King of the Hill roda and dinner and drinks

2. Various photos taken throughout the year I haven't yet shown

Personal Reflections
In a lot of ways, leaving Thailand was more heart-breaking than leaving Hong Kong or Taiwan was, but in a very good way. When someone is lost in the world and doesn't know his/her place in it, s/he easily grasps and gets attached to familiar things out of an unconscious desperation, and doesn't wish to let go, which were my feelings for Hong Kong. But once we know who we are and start to live with purpose, then we develop a love for a place in an unattached way, like I did for Thailand. No matter how silly some different cultural customs may have seemed to me at first, I knew I would miss them when I left....here is a tribute to the special aspects of Thailand that I will miss:

Tribute to Various Thai-isms
1. Weaving and threading through Bangkok traffic (comparable to LA traffic) on my motorbike.

2. Dim Sum! People will laugh at me for this: Can you guess what my final meal was in Bangkok, at the airport? Pad Thai perhaps? Tom Yum Gong? Papaya Salad? Nope! Dim Sum! I like it in Bangkok (BKK) better than Dim Sum even in Hong Kong. I like it in BKK because the food is bitesized (HK dim sum is collossal compared to BKK dim sum), they have dim sum I haven't seen in HK, and I have to admit, I think they put more MSG in dim sum in BKK, very tasty =) (but unhealthy, I know). Most of all it's the atmosphere: it's a small shop unlike the huge cafeteria style places in HK. Plus, you pick from several raw dim sums on display that they then steam there for you.

3. Lady-boys: being gay is almost synonymous with being transexual

4. Pointing the soles of your feet at people is disrespectful. I read in the newspaper that Thailand has banned YouTube.com because they would not remove a video that shows a pair of feet above the king's head.

5. Speaking of banning websites, pornsites are blocked in Thailand, but brothels are as common on the streets of Bangkok as bars and clubs are in any American city (partnership between government and brothel owners?). They even have brothels the size of big hotels. Yet, prostitution is technically illegal. Talk about unenforcement.

6. Public parks are much livlier in BKK than in any other city I've seen. Usually in other cities, you'll only see couples sitting on benches, kids chasing pigeons, some people taking naps or reading on the grass, and roller-blading or jogging. But in Bangkok parks I see all that and badminton, jugglers, break-dancing, large groups of middle-aged folks dancing arobics to techno music, and at one specific park capoeiristas and traditional Thai instrumental music.

7. When you buy a bottle of water or a coke at a convenience store, they put it in a small plastic bag and throw in a straw so quickly that you have no time to say "no thanks". Buy the tiniest thing, and they still stuff it in a plastic bag for you. Plenty of times I see the customer take the item out of the bag as soon as they step out, throwing the bag and straw right away. Thailand is the most plastic-wasting country I've ever been to.

8. Prices! A movie ticket normally doesn't cost more than 4US$, and sometimes just 3US$ if you buy tickets in bulk!

9. Nose-picking scenarios:
On a date...talking romantic things and flirting...suddenly while she's talking she's picking her nose...
Or...in class, after asking a question, boy raises his hand yelling 'I know! I know!' all the while digging into his nostril with pinky finger.

10. Many things to tribute na! No room here. You go see for yourself na!


Sometimes we need songs or other forms of artwork and expression to remind us of the places we've been. I have the Thai national anthem memorized, as well as the popular Pali Buddhist chant. There's also the melody of Sasern Pra Baramee - the tributary song for the King.



And thus ends my time in Thailand. Overall, I'd say that it was a chapter of my life where I seriously slowed down the pace of my life, looked around, and really tried to see things that my eyes had forgotten how to perceive. It was a time that I really owned up to my faults and genuinely looked for a way to change. I also learned the true meaning of love. Well, a lot of this was possible because of my trip to India, but still, Thailand was important nonetheless. And plus, I got a whole lot better at interacting with little kids. I may visit the country again in the future from time to time to visit people.

Next travelog: Hong Kong

Cited in Wikipedia!

Wow, well what do you know, my first citation! By Wikipedia nonetheless!

My senior year thesis at UMass is among the references in this Wikipedia article's bibliography: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Americans_in_Hong_Kong#History

Actually, I've already edited the wikipedia article because whoever used my article misinterpreted what I said about how many ABCs make up the exchange student body.

Poon fame

Speaking of Life of Pi, it turns out that the record for shipwrecked survivor amounted to 133 days by a Chinese sailor by the surname Poon! It must be in the blood.

My school year is slowly winding down...coming to an end.

My students have all become familiar with me, falling into their respective niches in the ecology of a classroom, together forming an organic class entity with their classmates. Adding or subtracting a single student from the mix can throw the whole entire class into the headache-causing category or the angel teacher's dream category.

Grade four is my angelic class, grade five treats me like a substitute teacher almost every day, and grade six is only 2 students, which lets me do so much for each of them.

Anyway, I fly to Malaysia next week for a routine visa run...my current visa is running out.

Man, I always seem to have good ideas for what to blog about, but this is just getting boring. I need to excersize my creativity muscles more.

I think I'll read about Kanye West now on Wikipedia.

In the life of Felix Poon

Welcome to my room. To your left you see my kitchen. There is my 2-in-1 hot pot and hot plate, along with cutting board, soy sauce, oil and vinegar, and a bunch of random instant noddle packets and ketchup packets from McDonalds and chili packets from wherever.

Below you see my dining room. And the pictures below below are the results of my cooking.